A Few Tips for Surviving Middle School Boy Hormones
There are a ton of articles about the stages of puberty out there. All very scientific and informative. This won’t be that kind of post. I had a few “aha” moments when I had a child in the midst of middle school hormones and thought I would share in case there is anyone else out there ready to pull their hair out. The truth is I didn’t change my child’s behavior but I did manage to change mine! Keep reading for tips on surviving middle school boy hormones!
I was determined to not dread the teenage years. I’m not naive, I know the teenage years can be difficult and sometimes downright impossible for some families. I just didn’t want to automatically assume my kids were going to be terrible people during this phase. We’ve all been there and let me tell you I am extremely grateful that we are not defined forever by how we behaved when we were 12-14 years of age.
I assume you are reading this because you have a tween/teen boy at home. You might also enjoy my post “Book Recommendations by a 15 year old boy”
A change of perspective
The thing that helped me the most was an infographic that said tweens misinterpret instructions and emotions 40% of the time. I thought to myself “That can’t be true, it has to be more like 60%”. At the time I had a 13-year-old who was what I affectionately labeled “hormone stupid”. I had a lot of hand to forehead moments with this child.
The great thing about this information was it changed my perspective. Knowing it was common for kids at this age to do the opposite of what they were told gave me more patience with my own child. It helped me understand where my child was at developmentally and that he couldn’t help some of the behavior that drove me nuts.
Most importantly this information changed the way I communicated with my child. I started to have him repeat back to me the instructions I gave. Before we started on something I explained very carefully what was going to happen. This proved to be a useful skill when we were getting ready to climb into the pig pen and give the pigs a shot. I’m certain it saved me and my dad from getting stuck with a vaccine needle full of live viruses.
Here are the things that helped me survive middle school boy hormones!
Communicate Clearly
I mentioned the infographic to a friend with a son who is thirteen. She said, “oh, have him repeat everything like when he was five!”. Exactly. Make sure your kid can tell you exactly what you asked them to do. She told me later her son said: “it’s probably more like 90% that is misinterpreted.”! Being careful with my communication saved me from situations where I got frustrated with my son because he didn’t understand what I was asking of him.
Keep a sense of humor
Once I realized a lot of the behavior had to do with hormones I was able to laugh about it. So when I asked my son to bring me a book and he set it just out of reach I just shook my head and laughed to myself. When he asked crazy questions I would just look at him and wait. Pretty soon he would realize his question was a little silly. I did a lot of head shaking during the year he was 13.
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Be Straight-forward
Be matter of fact about what is happening to them as they start puberty. My experience is that my kids are open about what is going on when I am straightforward. Acknowledging that what is going on has to do with hormones can also take the pressure off of the kid who feels like all they do is make mistakes. We’ve all been there so there is no reason for anyone to be embarrassed by puberty. They can’t get to the other side without going through the process and we all want them to get to the other side!
Be Encouraging
Somewhere along the way, I heard a radio program about the natural dip in self-esteem around 12-14 years of age. The program advised parents to carry their kid’s dreams during this stage of life. Even kids who have known what their dreams are since a very young age can start to doubt their ability to carry out their dreams.
As a parent, we have the privilege to come alongside them and carry that dream for a while. We can help them find ways to develop the skills they will need to see their dream become a reality.
For my kids, this has been all about animals. This is the primary reason I agreed to do 4H with them. Nothing builds self-esteem like skills and productivity! Raising animals is something I had no experience with. I have learned right alongside my children. Often they are better at handling the animals than I am. When I ask them for help it really builds their confidence and shows I respect their abilities.
Have Hope
I promise this stage won’t last forever.
Like I said before, I ended up changing my behavior more than I changed my son’s. Hugs to all you moms with midde school children. It is a wonderful, mystifying, awkward time. If we can get a few laughs along the way I think we will all be better off!
