Easy Ways to Positively Connect With Your Child
Yesterday my daughter asked me about something I have written on my chalk board. It simply says 5:1. This is a reminder to me that in healthy relationships you need to have 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction. That can be a challenge depending on how my kids are behaving that day! The good news is there are easy ways to positively connect with your child!
Like most moms, the question of how to make sure I am connecting with my kids is on my mind a lot. While I only have three kids our schedules can get really busy which makes it hard to connect with everyone. This week I was only home on Monday evening, with the kids in school all day and us running around in the evenings I have to be intentional.
I’ve tried a lot of different ways to connect. The book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell has been a great tool in understanding my kids.
I have one who is definitely a physical touch kid. This only occurred to me after I realized that every time that child walked by me they touched me in some way (usually a tap on the head). Words matter to a few of them, surprisingly more for the boys than my daughter. I have one who loves gifts and another that does better if I just leave what I bought for them on their bed. That way they can process it on their own before they come and acknowledge the gift. One is for sure all about the quality time. Because of this that child rarely spends time alone in their room voluntarily.
Here are some simple ways I’ve learned to positively connect with them.
*This post contains affiliate links. That means if you purchase something from one of the links on this page I will make a percentage of the sale at no extra cost to you. You can see my full disclosure here.
Make time for snuggling:
A few years ago I bought some really comfy recliners. The only problem with them is that they are one seaters. So I try to be intentional about sitting on the couch now and then so my physical touch kid can snuggle up with me. One is too old for “snuggling” but it is surprising how often they want me to sit next to them. This is a great way to connect because it’s free!
Mom and Me Journaling:
I tried this with two of my kids. It petered out for my son but my daughter and I keep one going. I make sure it is always positive and not a spot for pointing out her faults. It allows me to say some things that don’t come up in everyday conversation.
Some of our entries are lighthearted and some are serious. In addition to writing we tape pictures in our journal and even draw some of our own. I don’t push her to write me back and sometimes we go quite a long time between entries.
We leave it on each other’s pillow after we have written in it. I think I look forward to finding that journal on my pillow as much as my daughter does.
Just a few journaling topics:
What makes you laugh?
Describe your favorite sound?
Who is someone you admire and why?
Is there something you are looking forward to doing this year?
Tell me what makes you happy?
What is your favorite thing about Christmas?
Is there an area you need to grow in this year?
What is a huge challenge you’ve faced?
Explain what you learned from that challenge?
What plans do you think God has for your life?
Tell me about the type of job you want when you grow up?
What makes you feel sad?
Describe what you look for in a friend?
Do you have any questions about God or our faith?
If you could go anywhere on vacation where would you go?
A journal doesn’t have to be fancy! You can start one today if you have any kind of notebook hanging around. Don’t know where to start? Tell your child what you like best about them! This is a great way to positively connect.
“I Love You” Dry Erase Board
This is for my kids who need words.
I started with the phrase “I Love You Because…”. This has morphed into “I Love….”. This gives me more freedom in what I write. I often write about their hobbies. For example: I love watching you play basketball or I love listening to you play the piano. I like this approach better because it is not dependent on them being great at something or on them doing something to earn my love.
Now let’s be honest for a minute. This is a great idea in theory but some days it’s hard to fill out. You all know what kind of days I’m talking about. To get around this I keep a list going and if something occurs to me I write it down to be used on those difficult days.
Once in the 4 or so years I’ve been doing this I found a note that one of the kids wrote. AND… it was to their self. I guess they thought I was too slow in getting around to them! Still, one day I hope I will find a note to me from them on there. (I’m not holding my breath)
Birthday Compliments
A few years ago we implemented a new tradition. At the child’s birthday dinner we all take a turn saying our favorite thing about them. This tradition gives everyone a chance to think about someone else for a few minutes.
My kids argue. A lot. Like most arguments it usually breaks down into some pretty negative stuff. Therefore I hope to counteract this negativity with the tradition of the birthday compliment.
Everyone’s home should be a place they feel valued and loved. This is not without its challenges. Just like I keep waiting for one of the kids to take over the dry erase board and write an “I love…” note, I hope one day this practice leads to them speaking love and truth over the people in their lives.
4 Comments
Ema
Thanks so much for this post. I read about the 5:1 concept before, but it was described as making 5 deposits in the bank account every day, but I guess it’s the same thing. I love that you have it written. What I loved most about this post was the Journal Idea. I design and sell Journals. I also Journal every day. I do goals Journaling, anxiety.. ideas you name it I do it. BUT this is the first time I’ve come across this Idea. I love it. I’ve been looking at ways to spend more time and connect withy 10 year old daughter, who loves to Journal too. Lol. I don’t know why I never thought of this. Keep up the great work x
Jennifer
Thank you for your kind words! The 5 to 1 concept has helped me a bunch with my kids. Sometimes I need the reminder again to focus on the positive. My daughter and I have kept a journal since 2016. It’s been a great way to communicate. Thanks for visiting!
Rachel
This is great! I love the 5:1. That’s a great way to look at being more positive. Of course, we have troubling days with behavior that’s difficult. I love that you have it written down in plain sight to help remember. Rachel from http://www.explorekidtalk.com
admin
Thank you so much for your encouragement! This is my very first comment on my blog!